5 things

Okay, so...my new blog buddy, Justin, has "tagged" me in a game of virtual...well, tag. I'll let him explain it:

So there's this really great game going around the" internets". Whats this game? Well you write 5 things about yourself the general public doesn't know about you and then you tag someone.

Make sure all body parts are securely inside the vehicle, here we go...

1. Random music-related facts about Jerod you might not know: I play the drums and guitar. My first band was called "Hooked On Phonics." The first "real" band I was in was called "Captain Puget," and our one and only "album" was called "Stupid Like a Fox." My most recent project was nameless, but the idea that was most seriously considered was "Well Worth the Dig." It's a line from a poem attributed to the Marquis de Sade, that we found in the movie "Quills" starring Geoffrey Rush as the notorious French nobleman. The poem was about necrophilia...I'll leave the rest to your imagination.

2. Random literature-related facts about Jerod you might not know: I majored in creative writing in college and had four poems published before my 23^rd birthday. Then I stopped writing poetry. So there you go. A fact that also could also fit into #1 is that I've rewritten the lyrics to "No Woman No Cry" in an homage to the Flintstones called "No Wilma No Cry." If there is enough interest I might just post the lyric on Crazy Melvin. Oh who am I kidding, I'll post'em there anyways.

3. Random movie-related facts about Jerod you might not know: "Good Will Hunting" is one of my all-time favorite movies. I always cry at the end of "Pieces of April." (Breaks my heart that Tom Cruise's fruity little club got to Katie Holmes.) In college I appeared in a ½ hour vignette called "Dojo Dogs" as Naked Ninja, wearing only a black mask and a long, greasy, black wig-codpiece. The movie included two gratuitous ass shots. And some naked snow angels. I was prepared to go Full Monty, but for the sake of the R rating I demurred.

4. Random pet-related facts about Jerod you might not know: I have three pets: a dog and two cats. The dog's name is Baxter, a name that was inherited from the breeders from whom we bought the dog, and to which I was vehemently opposed. First, because the only Baxter people know is Meredith Baxter-Birney, Elyse Keaton on "Family Ties." And what self-respecting dog needs that hanging around his neck like an albatross? And second, I am convinced that, if you walk out into a park and start yelling "Baxter," everyone will think you're yelling "Bastard." Which now that I think of it is actually pretty cool. Okay, strike that second gripe about the name; in fact, I'll commit to this right now: my next dog will be called "Hover Clucker." It's settled.

My cats are not technically named after Boris and Natasha from "The Bullwinkle Show." Boris's name is actually spelled "Boros" and is short for "Oroboros Charlie Babbit." Oroboros is that mythical snake-eating-its-tail icon, which was cropping up in my life when I first got Boros...and he also enjoyed chasing his tail as a kitten. "Charlie Babbit" is the name of the character from "Flowers For Algernon." Boros is brain-damaged, you see. He's my little special-needs kitty...wait, scratch that. He's my little "kitty with special-needs." We talk in creature-first language on this blog; he's a kitty first and special-needs second. Not vice versa.

Anyhoo, Boros's back end don't work so well. He's wildly entertaining and not the least bit daunted by the challenges he faces. The best metaphors I've come up with for his particular condition are: 1) a firetruck, with one fireman in front driving the main truck and another needed in back to steer the rear, which sometimes will fly around seemingly out of control when the truck turns a corner too fast or something. 2) One of those two-person horse costumes, where the person in the haunch-half can't see what's going on and just has to follow the head and forefeet part of the costume. 3) A stegosaurus. Just cause it supposedly had a second brain at the base of its tail since the one up front wasn't enough.

I had Boros for two years before I got Natasha. She is, in fact, named after Natasha Fatale. I got her, and was walking around trying to figure out what to name her. I kept saying in my head, "Boros and...Boros and..." when the obvious hit me. It really fits her well, too. When she was young she was dubbed "Naughty" because she was a little troublemaker. But as she's gotten older she's become quite possibly the sweetest little creature I've ever encountered. A near -perfect example of the love-bug -girl-kitty.

And yes, I am "that single guy who lives with two cats." I'm not gay though. Really. So just shut up! Alright, that's enough, I'll lick everyone in the whole joint, bring it on! One at a time or all at once, it don't make no difference to me!!!

Seriously though, just because I happen to have two cats doesn't mean that I like...

Okay, real quick aside here: specifically for my mom, but also for anyone else of a semi-sensitive nature (grandmothers, conservative politicians, the "real" pope, etc.). I am about to make an extremely crude and offensive comment here. I want to warn you right now that, if you don't want to read this terrible, terrible thing I'm about to write, you should seriously skip over the next paragraph. Honest-to-god, no joke. And if you don't heed my warnings and read on, and are shocked and appalled, and turn red to the tips of your ears at work, well...you can't say I didn't warn you and I don't want to hear about it. I will even add some nice, calming pictures above and below the offending paragraph so your eyes don't "accidentally" wander across the phrase in question.

Okay, where was I? Ah yes, here we go: (ahem): just because I happen to have two cats doesn't mean that I like to have balls on my chin.

One more note about Boros (that also sort of fits into #1 in its way): a couple years ago, when that terrible Justin Timberlake song was made into a McDonalds' commercial and was being played all the time, I co-opted it and applied it to Boros. Of important note for this anecdote is the fact that one of Boros's nicknames is "Bubba." So I'd be sitting there petting him, and I'd sing, "buh-buh-buh-buh-buh...I'm rubbin' him."

5) Random geek-related facts about Jerod you might not know: I love grammar. I enjoy doing math in my head. (Which actually comes in handy, especially here: I can convert Celsius to Fahrenheit, kilograms to pounds...you name it.) I'm a 21^st level ninja-cowboy-astronaut with a million hitpoints and maximum charisma. I mostly eat beans.

So there you go. Five Jerod-related categories of facts that you might not have known. Most of you probably knew at least several; but I would be very very surprised if any of you knew them all.

Okay, now to tag some peops of my own...I guess I'll hit my boys Eric T. and James Z. from Crazy Melvin...Tara from Terra's Playground...and Admiral Zing for good measure.

Word.