Where do you want to go?!?

So how was everyone's four day weekend? For me, obviously, it's a misnomer, as I just put the finishing touches on the eighth week of my ongoing weekend. It reminds me of one of my all time favorite song lyrics, from the classic "Gimme the Finger" by Black Sheep: "And everyday is Saturday my friend. Go to sleep, wake up, yo! It's Saturday again!" That's my life right now. So go ahead...gimme the finger.

Anyways, last time we spoke I think I was just checking in on Thanksgiving morning. That afternoon, I walked up to the big park on top of the "mountain" (snicker) from where you can see the whole city. First, the negatives (and this is the last time I'll mention it): this is one smoggy city. Holy man. It's like L.A., in that it's a big, bustling, industrialized metropolis and it never rains. It's the trade-off to having sunny days with temperatures in the lower-mid 70s at the end of November. But you don't really notice it until you're up above the city, looking down across it, and it's almost difficult to see the Mediterranean.

Anyways, it was very pleasant up there, and I sat in the sun and studied Spanish for awhile. I had pasta for Thanksgiving dinner, with a bunch of these delicious mushrooms they pick in the forests around the city, and a green salad. The only traditional American thing I did was watch some of the football games on my computer. It's funny; I was explaining to Oisin why there were football games on, how it was a tradition in the States to have a couple games on Thanksgiving to watch after the meal or whatever, and he found it very odd that we'd have sporting events on tv on the second most important holiday of the year. Then I had to explain that there were always basketball games and college football on Christmas, too.

Friday: I decided I needed to ramp up my walking. To go on a really long walk. Double digit miles. So I picked out a nice circuitous loop down to the water, farther west than I usually go, and along the original Roman road that cuts through the middle of the city. The thing is, usually I assiduously avoid going out in public on the day after Thanksgiving, for fear of accidentally stepping between the last Tickle Me-Cabbage Patch-Playstation-whatsamajigger and a ravenous hoard of soccer moms and getting trampled to death. But this year, I was able to stroll throughout the city, into the main shopping district even, with nary a problem. No more people on the streets than usual. Add to that the beautiful weather, and it was a pretty cool day.

The "weekend" (snicker) was chill; Saturday I didn't really do much, and then on Sunday I ended up at Parc Guell again. Not on purpose, really; it's a big park, and I set out just for a walk but ended up at the edge of the park, in a completely different part. I was at a vantage point from which you could see in all directions, and I figured out a couple more long walks I'm going to check out in the coming weeks. The one I'm really excited about is to the top of this other hill, way off in the distance, with some kind of church-type thing perched up there. I say "church-type thing" because it's impossible to tell whether something is a church from a distance. All the old buildings look like churches. Many of the old hospitals have spires, for instance. So it could very well be a grocery store for all I know. I will file a detailed report once I've completed the hike.

Today was funny; a good day overall, and lots of adventure. Oisin recommended I check for the odd groceries I want at this huge American-style grocery store called "Corte Ingles"; specifically he said I could most likely find Tahini there, which I need to make hummus. So I walk over to the store, and it's a six story department store with an enormous grocery store in the bottom. Now, let me tell you something about me right here: I love grocery stores. I love to walk through each aisle and figure out where stuff is, make sure I do an inventory so I know what my options are...just get acquainted with them. Especially when I move into a new place. It helps me get oriented in my new surroundings to know where I can what. So you can imagine my reaction when I entered this enormous grocery store that held the promise of all the things I had been missing from home. And it did not disappoint.

They didn't have tahini (try explaining that in a foreign language: "uhh...it's a...cream...made from sesame seeds...toasted...), but they did have toasted sesame seeds so we're in business there. In addition, they had refried AND black beans (neither of which I've seen anywhere else in the city), tofu, and they had gluten-free products, too. So that's exciting. C'mon, admit it, it's exciting! No? Just me? Fine then.

Anyway, I buy my stuff, and I'm getting ready to leave, when I realize I have no idea how to get back out. When I first got there, you see, I went all the way to the top floor of the department store trying to find the grocery before I figured out it was in the basement (shut up), so once I finally found the grocery there was no way to retrace my steps back to the outside world. The first exit I encountered was very clearly an emergency exit; the little guy running for the door was on fire. Just kidding. But it was very clearly marked, regardless. So I moved on...and the next exit I found had no such markings on it. There were two doors propped open leading out, and then another door with little speedy dude on it. I swear to god, nowhere on this door did it say anything resembling "emergencia" or anything remotely like it. I know this because I checked very carefully, fearful of setting off an alarm. So what do you think happened when I pushed the door open, hmmmm?

(Wait for it...waaaait for it....)

Yeah, you're right. Alarm central. Sucks! So this woman comes running out, and she's babbling like a cartoon character in this high-pitched voice. I'm sure it was along the lines of "what is wrong with you, you silly man! Can't you tell that this completely unmarked door is a fire escape?" I stare at her blankly, quietly panicking on the inside. I may have even peed a little. Anyways, suddenly she stops, and is just looking at me. Expectantly. Like she just asked me something. I maintain the blank stare, as I have absolutely no idea what "BIH BIH BIH BIH BIH!!!!" means, in any language. (I swear to god, she sounded like Beaker, Dr. Bunson Honeydew's lab assistant on The Muppet Show.) Finally she says, impatiently, "adonde vas?!?"

ADONDE VAS!!! Of course! "To where do you want to go!" I totally understood that!!! Suddenly I'm very excited. We're communicating, she and I! I try to give her a hug, but she's in no mood to fraternize. So now, picture it: Jerod, still panicky, nervous, excited...

So I try to say, "outside." Fuera. That's an easy one. But the thing you have to remember is that I have absolutely no confidence in my language abilities. What almost invariably happens is I'll be in a position where I want to say something, but when the time comes my brain will get a bad cases of the dars. As in "daaaaar...." And then when I walk away I will inevitably throw together a sentence in my head that is exactly what I should have said. See, I'm definitely getting better; but without the confidence ("me falta seguridad" is how you describe it) it's worthless in real-world situations. Okay, back to the story... you're still with me, right? Fire alarm, "Adonde vas," etc.?

So I say "fuerte." Which means "strong." You know, like a fort? Fuerte?

At this point, we're going to try a little guided meditation. Imagine you're working in a crappy American mall in some random US city, and you hear the emergency exit go off, and come running, and it's some dumb kid with a kind of wild look in his eyes, staring around blankly. And you say something to him like, "what the hell, man, what were you doing? Where are you trying to go???" And he just gapes at you. There might even be a faint scent of urine. "Great," you think. "I always get the live ones." So then you repeat yourself, nice and slowly, carefully enunciating each syllable..."where are you try ing to go." And he blurts out, "dah...stronnguh!"

So yeah. That was me today. Shut up.

On the plus side, I did get all my exciting new groceries. After I got home and put them away, I decided I had to go find a nice quiet place somewhere, to sit and read in the sun for awhile. There's another park in the same basic area as Park Guell; it's the same set-up, paths leading up the hill to the top from where you can see the whole city, but it's smaller and a lot less crowded. Perfect.

So I get to the top, and sit for awhile and read, and then I'm coming back down a different way than I went up. And there's this little dog-leg off the main path to a nice view, so I walk down to have a look...and it leads right to this 50 ft. cliff. No warning, no signs, no railing...just cliff. But it's still cool, you know? Big cliff in the middle of the park? So I walk right to the edge and look over, admiring the fall, when what do I spy right at the edge of the cliff, just sitting in the grass? It's a 5 euro bill! Sweet! Don't know if you have been following the conversion rate lately, but that's like a hundred bucks anymore. Nothing to scoff at.

Real quick in closing: here's one more reason (I believe it's the definitive one, in fact) why the grammar checker in Microsoft Word sucks. In that very first sentence of this entry, way back there at the top (go ahead, have a look. I'll wait), it says "how was everyone's." I keep the grammar check on because it will often give me a perverse pleasure to see how messed its suggestions are. But this is the most messed up I've yet encountered. I right click on the phrase and it offers, "Everyone was's." No shit. And I always imagine the grammar check is like one of those really annoying people who constantly corrects everyone when their spoken language and slang don't match officially accepted rules of written language...so in this case, it would say, "ahem. I believe you mean, 'how everyone was's four day weekend.'"

Wait, let me check this...I do still have this set to English, right? Not some screwed-up "this language follows none of the accepted rules of any written dialect" setting? Nope, still English.

So there you go.