Inward turn

I have definitely been moving in some different directions recently. I made a conscious decision over the weekend to really focus on eating well and exercising more; I had been doing well, but I wanted to really kick some ass this week. Build momentum for a couple weeks, then revisit goals and clarify what I want for the last few months of my visit.

That being said, I don't have a whole lot to report. I've been walking a lot still, gone jogging a few times, and have greatly simplified my diet.

I've really been moving inward more and more lately. I've started meditating again, for the first time in awhile, and it's affected the way I look at a lot of things. When I eat now, for example, I make sure to chew my food really well and focus on what I'm consuming. As a result I've been able to eat a lot less and still feel full. Additionally, since I've resumed meditating I have had no interest in eating meat. It hasn't been a conscious decision; after eating the last piece of pork I just stopped. For the past several days I've actually gone almost completely vegan...there is probably some eggs in the pasta I've been eating but that's it. Again, I haven't made any decision; never once felt like I shouldn't eat meat, like there was something wrong with it or whatever. It just didn't appeal to me. So I've been eating a lot of rice and beans, pasta, lots of fruit and vegetables. But again, since I've been concentrating on efficient consumption, it hasn't been a problem to get all the nourishment I need.

So where am I going with this. Not sure. I'm just trusting my instincts right now. The time will come when a nice slab of pork or chicken will sound good, but for now I'm riding the wave. Anyone know where you buy tofu in Barcelona?

This inward turn is of course not helping my language acquisition project. I'm sure the two are intricately intertwined; I am intimidated to get out there and talk to people, so I compensate by becoming completely introverted. At the same time, I go through phases like this all the time: I am honestly in general a quite solitary person. And after the social hurricane that was my life this past year, culminating in the month before leaving Seattle, I think I just needed a break. Ironically, I came to the party capital of Europe to get it.

Of course, the biggest difference between living somewhere and vacationing somewhere is the money factor. If you've got a week or two somewhere and then are returning home to your job, you can afford to live it up. You can go out every night and hit all the attractions in the city. But if you're living there, especially if you're not working much like me, you notice how expensive it is to go out to the bars and restaurants and clubs.

Honestly though, I've very content with where I am right now. I am living simply, cooking my own food every meal and eating well, working on various projects I now have time to pursue, and slowly but surely learning Spanish. (More slowly than surely, but still. I'm progressing.) And I am getting to know the physical city pretty well, too. I have been adding a couple streets a week to my memory banks. That's how I think of getting to know Barcelona; how many streets could I find my way home from if I were dropped somewhere on it at random? Since I've been living in my own place, approaching four weeks now, I am up to about eight. Not counting all the little side streets in my neighborhood, of course.

What else is happening. I think I'm going to go check out some Flamenco music at the school of jazz tonight. They have a nice club where the students can perform, they have an open mike jam session once a week, but I've never checked out the Flamenco. Figure it's about time to see the traditional local music though.

I went down to the Mediterranean again yesterday. I'm drawn there at least once a week. It reminds me of home and is a nice long walk to boot. Yesterday I was sitting on the beach when the sun came through the clouds and lit everything up, water glistening and sand sparkling...and I was struck by the beauty of pigeons, that phosphorescent gleam of their neck feathers, as I watched a couple walk around on the beach. Really, what it reminds me of is the colors of oil on top of a puddle of water after the first rain in awhile. I like that metaphor, as well, because both images are ones that many people find disgusting or at least unappealing. I think this is because both remind us of our transgressions as a species, our appalling waste and disregard for the planet...people hate pigeons because they eat garbage. Well, they would eat other things, but they've adapted to living among humans and can survive well because we generate so frickin' much garbage. Imagine where we'd be without pigeons and rats and seagulls and raccoons and all the other scavengers...we'd be up to our asses in our own waste if there wasn't an entire group of animals that came along and cleaned up after us.

Sorry to get on my soapbox. Suffice to say, I think pigeons are lovely. I have a sweet, sad crow story, too, but I'll save that for another day.